Change the story ~ Change your life

I had an interesting experience a few days ago where I could have allowed myself to tell myself an old story of who I was when I was younger but I chose to remember who I am in the world today and stood tall in who I am and allowed life to unfold.  Well now I have a new experience of who I am and it feels pretty good.

How much time have I spent in my life telling myself these old stories and wasting so much time and energy remembering how it was for me instead of standing present to myself and knowing full well that I am no longer the person that I was years ago.  How can I be?  I’m 42 not 4.

Standing in the past fueling old stories creates more of who/what I was in the past.  Standing present to myself today and the person that I am now creates an opportunity for accelerated change.  That’s who I am today.

The Vibration for Accelerated Change.

Hmmmm, that feels pretty good when I try that on.  Now that I’ve tried it on and I realize that it serves me well, I Become the Vibration for Accelerated Change and that may change today or tomorrow but I’ll know when I’ve ‘out-grown’ who I am at this moment.  I have been Enlivened Possibilities and now it’s time to grow and become the more that I am.  No stories about the past will propel me forward they’ll only hold me back and that is not about evolution. 

I’m well aware of pain, shame, humiliation and all kinds of stuff from the past and it wasn’t until I realized that all the thoughts of the past were rendering me completely incapable of moving forward that I had to not only change the story but write a new book.  A book/story of my choosing.  A deep sigh comes over me and I sit here and reflect upon the life that I had and the one that I have now.  Two very different stories and two very different vibrations.  One leaves me feeling sad and confused and the other gives me a smile and an opportunity to create so much change and add so much more meaning to my life.  Which one would you choose? 

Here’s the thing, I knew long time ago that the stories and memories of the past were feeding my incapability to move forward but I didn’t choose to change a thing.  Funny I knew that the choice was mine but didn’t engage my life differently.  There was great genius in keeping myself puny and not being seen or recognized.  Now it no longer can serve me or be a benefit in anyway because I am no longer who I was.

If you’re telling yourself old stories or are trapped in the past and want to move forward, may I be so bold as to suggest investing in yourSelf and a life of Endless Opportunities then go to  http://www.wel-systems.com/programs/WOverview.htm#Decloak. 

You can continue to be the person that you were years ago or you can step into a life of your choosing and create absolutely anything that you want that is meaningful to you. 

What will you choose?

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

Satisfying others and…many random thoughts. :)

From the time we can barely walk, we’re taught the importance of keeping others happy.  Tell others what you think they want to hear instead of being honest.  Although some disagree when I say that we’re taught to lie at a very young age, this is my reality.

So after years of pleasing everyone we become adults who still seek approval from others or wait for someone to tell us that we’re doing a good job.  I hear women say to me, “I’ve been trying so hard and no one seems to notice what I’m doing.”  Well, if you put yourself first and only do what feels right for you or what makes you happy chances are that you won’t need others telling you how great you are or what a good job you’ve been doing.  You’ll simply feel it on the inside and that will be self gratifying.  What pray tell is so wrong with self gratification? 

As long as I’m happy and having fun with what I’m doing, I don’t need anyone else to tell me that I’m doing a good job.  I know it in my body.  Although some would say that I’m good at what I do, I know that my truth is that I’m simply incredible being me and sharing who I am in the world with others.  No pretending, no trying to please anyone else, simply making sure that I’m happy doing/creating what is meaningful to me.  Now I’m not saying that it’s always easy but it is that simple. 

I know that I’ve personally spent a fair bit of my life trying to live up to what I thought were others ‘expectations’ of me.  I don’t really know whether or not they expected anything but learning early on that being me didn’t seem to be enough.  Now I’m 42 and I’m tired physically and mentally of being anyone else but me. 

I remember hearing that we were ‘good girls’ growing up.  What that translates into is being compliant in the name of fear sometimes.  I shake my head as I think about it. 

I’m pretty open with my daughter and am teaching her that she doesn’t have to always please people however that’s what I’m teaching her and that certainly isn’t what she’s learning with others that are older and in an authoritative position.  Authoritative doesn’t only mean teachers it also can mean other family members and any person viewed as an adult.  She has already learned on basic instinct that it’s in her best interest to ‘act’ a certain way with some people and just relax and be herself with others.  Sad isn’t it?  How we teach children not to be themselves.  We love children when they’re little and can’t talk.  Funny how that changes and how we get out the molds and measuring tapes when they get to a certain age?

It was my belief that the military was the only form of ’command and control’ but such is not the case.  We need look no further than the family systems.  Families…the gift that keeps on giving.  It just sucks though that it’s not one of those gifts that you can give back because you’ve already got one. Can you imagine saying, “No Thank-you…keep it your yourself.  I had one and it didn’t seem to work out so well.  You keep it for yourself though.”  

We’re taught to put up, shut up, suck it up, please others, always tell people what you think they want to hear and the list goes on.  What’s sad is that we know it doesn’t feel right and yet we continue to teach our children all the things that we were taught so that they can grow up and be as confused as we are. 

I know that as I write tonight that I’m all over the place with my thoughts and that’s exactly where I am tonight.  The need to write and write what comes up for me whether I’m all over the place or not.

  I wonder how my daughter will grow up?  As I discover so much more about who I am in the world and I share that with her, do I open up a new reality for her to choose from?  I engage in conversations with her and I’m honest and open with her.  I don’t try to hide that fact that I’m a human being.  I share with her what it was like for me growing up and not just the rosy things that we were told when we were young.  If I’m honest and open with her, then I create space for her to do the same with me.  Children are so smart.  Do we really think that if we don’t talk about sex or swear in front of our children that it won’t exist for them.  Hmmmm, guess what?  They swear too sometimes and eventually they’ll have sex.  Might as well be honest and talk about things.

Letting Go of The Past and…Growing Forward

Amy

The great disconnect

Pondering over the thought of the great disconnect, I realize that this has become a very important subject in my life and that of others as well.  It isn’t so much about the great disconnect that I focus on, rather it’s the great Connection that I focus on.

As I reflect upon my own life and that of my clients, I often hear about how ‘disconnected’ we feel and then it is usually followed by a ‘melt down.’  Well let me tell you that I’ve changed my whole language around both of these words which are nothing more than nominalizations.  By changing the words or looking at them differently or looking at what is the underlying cause, things don’t seem so bad.

When it comes to being disconnected it’s not as though someone ‘out there’ has unplugged you, rather you’ve possibly pulled in towards yourself and feel (or make up the stories) that no one has been calling you, emailing you, whatever but remember that the only way to feel disconnected is by our own actions or lack there of.  When I’m coaching with clients, I can’s say it enough times that I’m an email away or a phone call away.  I also prefer to do a face to face follow up with clients (when at all possible) because it requires that they commit to themselves and draws them out of there possible comfort zone. 

I remember throughout my life when people were reaching there hands out to me, I never wanted to take it because that would mean that, ” I may be weak, can’t do it alone, always have to depend/rely on someone else” and the list goes on.  Really it doesn’t mean any of those things to me anymore and I’m clear that there was a time when it meant all of those things and more. 

I’d say that for the most part of my life I have been always able to do things on my own and what I know now is that it would have been a lot easier and quicker if I had of just said, “Sure I’d love some help.”  Just because we allow someone to help us out certainly doesn’t mean that we’re by any means weak or incapable.  I look at it now as simply wanting to get things done sooner rather than later.  As human beings we genuinely love to offer our services to others or to be there for others in some way.  The difficulty we seem to have is accepting it from others.  Then we start with the stories, I’m weak if I ask for help - What will they think of me if I need help.  There are some really great business people in the world and it isn’t that they’re great at business, it’s that they’re great at asking for help so that they can get on with the things that are truly meaningful to them.

I recently hired a house keeper.  Oh no….it’s not that I couldn’t do it on my own rather while she’s doing my house cleaning I’m able to do and create the things in my life that are more meaningful to me.  Even if I didn’t have my own business I know that ‘knowing what I know now’ is that I would hire a house keeper.  She does the basic stuff like vacuuming, washing the floor, dusting and just general stuff.  This isn’t really a big deal however it does become very frustrating when you have a family, work full time, have children and the list is long and I’m quite clear that if you live alone and don’t have a family that you would still benefit from having someone else do the ‘mundane’ things in your life so that you can get on with your life.

I remember when I told my husband that I had hired a housekeeper.  “We can do our own vacuuming and cleaning, you just need to take some Time Management course.”  Ya…I was so there with that suggestion.  NOT!  Instead I said, “This isn’t up for discussion, I’m just sharing the information with you.” I wasn’t being rude I was just stating a fact.  I wanted to spend more time creating my business in a way that was meaningful instead of working my business (life) for a few minutes and then throwing in a load of laundry - Then working for another 10-15 minutes and then vacuuming.  I won’t apologize for doing what it takes for me to create what I want in my life.  If it’s fun and meaningful then you want to bet that I’m there.  If it’s boring and there’s no benefit to me then you want to bet that I’m not there.  So…I’m not around when my house is being cleaned.  I’m happy because I don’t have to do it and she’s happy because I’m paying her to do what she loves, which enables me to get paid for doing what I love.  It’s simply creating the things that I want in my life.  I don’t see paying someone to do my house cleaning as ’spending’ money rather I see it as a huge ‘investment’ in my life.

By creating the things that I need in my life there is less opportunity for me to become ‘disconnected.’  I only become disconnected when I don’t reach out and connect to what I need or want in my life.  I have a very good friend that lives in another province (oh wait a minute I have several good friends that are in many different provinces and some within my home area) and if I want to connect with them, I simply send them and email or pick up the phone.  I’m really never alone unless I choose to be.  I have a very different way of thinking and a very different view of the world so if I don’t choose to connect with those individuals in my life that are like minded, then certainly I’ll become disconnected and then it may follow by a ‘melt down.’  What if the melt down is nothing more than a surge of information that’s coming fast and furious at you because you haven’t been reaching out and asking for the things that you want.  When you ask for the things that you want, then the things that you need just seem to fall into place.

 

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

Transition or Transformation?

Over the past month or so I’ve heard others use the word (nominalization) ‘transition.’  It sounds so slow and painful and I can’t even imagine what it feels like. 

I went from 15 years in a job and quit and started my own business.  This had absolutely nothing to do with transition it had lots to do with Transformation.  When I hear the word used I cringe.  “I’m in a transition period right now.“  So what does that mean?  Does it mean that because your in transition that you just created a new word/excuse or distraction for yourself to not get on with your life?  I don’t know.  This is my holodeck though so this is about how “I” hear and see the word.

A couple of weeks ago I met with some women at my office and we had great conversations throughout the day.  A lot of what we spoke of was the realization how easily we create ‘distractions’ for ourselves and how those ‘distractions’ keep us away from getting on with our lives and slows us down from creating what we want.  It’s not about transition rather It’s about transformation.

We gathered and had a conversation about the ‘distractions’ that we create in our lives and through that conversation transformation was happening instantaneously.  The women’s faces were changing as they realized why their lives were still in just a ‘transition’ period instead of transformation taking place.

I know that these women’s lives changed as did mine and by the end of the day we all stood tall in who we are in the world and were standing in a different place.  None of what we talked about had to do with ‘transition’ and everything that we discussed/shared was about creating transformation in our lives.  One woman in particular had huge insights and when I spoke to her two days later, I could hear the change in her voice.  Strong, present and truly magnificent is who we all are if we get out of our own way and stop creating distractions for ourselves.  When we do that, transformation occurs.

Ya know what?  I was in a so called transition period for 20 years of my life and it was really getting old and stale.  Yes, it stunk.  Transition is great for some people I’m sure AND…it’s not for me.  I’m interested in working with women who are looking to TRANSFORM their lives not those who want to be in ‘transition’ because it’s a ‘comfortable’ place to start.  Think about it.  If I was in transition for 20 years, what are the chances that I could still be “Loving the idea” of transformation and still just be…loving the idea - but there’s no rush cause…I’m simply in a transition period?

Change your perspective…Change your life.  Change your language…Create your life…DIFFERENTLY.

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

Dare I be so bold as to share the experience of my life?

Sitting here this morning I’m aware that there has been a lot more ‘traffic’ on my blog from all across the world and yes outside of Canada.  Whooohooo!!!  I receive emails from individuals who share how my words make a huge difference in their lives.  Some even share their own experiences with me as to what it was like for them growing up in their family systems.  None judge what I’m saying but embrace what it is that I have to offer them.  What I offer is a safe environment for them to allow themselves to open up and be honest with themselves and with someone that they’ve never met before.  If we allow ourselves to really get honest with ourselves and willingly admit that our lives growing up weren’t the greatest, it would create a new space for us to embrace so much more instead of holding on to what used to be our reality.  Reality?  Hmmmm, somewhat of an illusion on my holodeck.

So a recap of what blogging is for me…not anyone else.  I’ve created this forum as a means of my own personal evolution.  My life is clearly about me.  Wow!!!!  Doesn’t that make you all feel better now that you don’t have to take on responsibility for my life?  :)  All joking a side.  I read this incredible article on business.  The title was, “Keeping your nose in your own business.”  Hmmm, I’d say that could apply to my life in general pretty quickly.  I used to have an opinion on what people said, what people wrote, what I saw and the list goes on.  Now, that has changed.  A simple shift in perspective made a huge difference in my life and now my life is amazing.  I tell you without a word of a lie, when I had my nose it other people’s business it was nothing more than a great distraction to avoid looking at my own life.  (I even said this to someone that I was in a program with this past week).  I remember her smiling and saying, “Oh my god…you’re right.”  And it’s not about me being right.  Rather it’s about what came into her awareness.

Dare I be so bold as to share my life experiences?  Yes I do.  And what I know is that this week and everyday of my life as I stay present to the brilliance of my own imperfections, others feel safe in opening up and sharing their experiences so that their lives can become bigger than they ever thought possible.

 

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

No Longer Willing to Lie/Die

I realized a few days ago just how exciting it is to truly live my life for me.  I made a decision that would possibly have others talking about me…primarily my family.  All that I did was…Chose to do what truly was going to light me up by the sheer thought of it.  I decided to spend a couple of days with friends.

Although this may not seem like a really big deal, when was the last time that you chose to do what was right for you in-spite of what others were going to say?  Personally, I rarely did that cause I wanted to always do what was right/good/ would keep others happy and I chose to do it all in exchange for my health.  Yes, every time I did something that didn’t feel so good on the inside - I’d get sick.  Sometimes is would be something minor: a cold, sinuses, sore throat maybe a bit of an upset stomach and…NO LONGER.

Since investing in myself in the fall off 2006, I’ve discovered a lot about the impact lying makes on your body.  If anyone had of told me that even 3 or 4 years ago, I would have thought that they were nuts.  What is it?  “The truth will set you free.”  Oh ya, and then there’s one I’m about to make up.

LIES WILL KILL YOU. 

The more you say ‘yes’ while you’re body/gut instinct/intuition says ‘no,’ the quicker you’ll die.  O.K.  I’m not saying that it will happen over night however have you ever heard something like this before?  “Once they found out the truth about what happened, it’s as though it just started eating them up inside.”  I have heard this before and had no idea that it actually made sense.  I’ve also heard others being called, ‘Self serving cows.’  Ouch!  Looks like I just joined something that I’d never be part of.  Oh ya…it feels great to be only doing what feels right for me.  And if that’s self serving, then so be it.

I tried being every one’s door mat.  It didn’t work.  I had back pain, boot marks where I felt like people kicked me, stab woulds where people ’stabbed me in the back,’ and of course the list could go on.  The funny things is while all these things were happening, I was doing what I thought they wanted me to do.  I was ‘trying’ to keep them happy.  And now they’re because I’ve showed up for my own life,  and serving myself (doing only what feels right for me) now they’re really pissed.  :)  “How dare you start enjoying your life your way” - “Who in the hell do you think you are?”   Haven’t met me yet?  Well let me introduce myself.

Hi!   I’m Amy.   And I’ve decided to Live and Experience MY LIFE -MY WAY

If this is something that you’ve never done before, I highly recommend it.  I’ve tried out a lot of new ‘things’ through the years, but this one really works.  It’s amazing and the results are fantastic.  All it requires is, “That you get honest with yourself and others.”  “That you only do what feels right for you in-spite of what stories others’ may make up about you.”  “That you choose you before anyone else.”

Since I’ve been doing this, my life has been amazing and so has my health.  I no longer have the health issues that I had for years, I sleep well at night, I smile a lot more,  I have lots of new friends in my life and new ones coming in on a regular basis, people want to be with me for Who I Am…Not who I’m not and this list is a long one as well.  Wow!!!  All this and all I had to do was invest in my own life and not anyone else’s.

Have you ever watched a movie and there was a lamb (or any other animal) or a human being sacrificed?  Did the thoughts of ‘Oh my God how can they do that?’  Don’t be too surprised by this but (I, as well as many people) are being sacrificed everyday.  And we’re doing it at no one else’s hands but our own.  We’re making ourselves sick in hopes of being recognized as, ‘kind and loving or giving.’  Guess what I’ve discovered since I started choosing me first?  I’ve always been those things and now they are there more for others because I allowed them to be in my own life first.

 

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

Making a Difference…In my OWN Life.

These days I get pretty excited when I get up in the morning but it wasn’t always the case.  I remember the days when I dreaded hearing the alarm clock go off knowing that I would have to face another day in a job that I really wasn’t all the fond of was literally making me sick.  Oh it wasn’t the job because I loved the clients however behind the scenes the job was toxic.  Now when I think of toxins, it seems that the last ones that come to mind are the ones that are in the air and the ones that are in our foods.

It very well may be that the most toxic environments are the ones that we live in (family), work in and the ones that we share and talk about with others who will listen and if no one is around, it’s the conversations that we have with ourselves.  We’ve become living cesspools and can’t understand why. We have ill health, our children are sick and we’re so busy looking outside of ourselves that we don’t even bother to stop and look in the mirror.  Could it be that that answer lies within?  I know for myself it does.  And I’ve stopped, allowed myself to take a good hard look at my life (and I mean going back to when I was in my late teens) and there was a jolt in my body that I don’t think that I’ll quite ever forget.  What was the jolt?  It was,

   “Could I actually be responsible for all of those shitty years in my life?”

And so began the journey for something more.  And I’ll be quite honest and frank with you, I looked outside of myself for a while because I didn’t know where else to look.  However when I did come to fully realize that I was responsible for my life in all aspects, I need to take some time and have a good long (and some of it was hard) look at myself.

I think back to a little over 5 years ago and I know that I wasn’t the nicest person you could find.  In fact you probably wouldn’t have even approached me.  Such is not the case now though.  I talk to everyone no matter where I am and it seems that people are also drawn to talk to me.  We all have so much in common but we don’t necessarily let ourselves stop to see the genius of it in our lives.

Over the past couple of days (no wait.  Over the past 2 years), I have met and spoken with so may incredible people that it is just amazing.  My life is so full now where before there was something missing.  Hmmm, well not exactly something rather ’someone.’  That someone was me.  Yes indeed.  I wasn’t showing up for my own life.  No wonder I felt alone so often.  No wonder I was in search for something more.  No wonder…I finally woke up and decided to take charge of my life.  And I look at mySelf now, and I can now see who I am in the world.  Not only that, I can now feel who I am in the world.

I emailed a friend of mine a few days ago and shared with her that I feel as though the world isn’t big enough for me anymore.  Indeed I’m reaching out to the universe and ‘we’ seem to be working quite well together.  So what I’m saying here is, “I used to see myself as small and insignificant.”  Such is not the case now.  And I’m also not saying that I think or feel that I’m better than anyone else.  I just realize that I do make a difference in other peoples’ lives and…I know that I couldn’t make a difference in their lives until I started making a difference in my own life.

Now I don’t even look at the fact that I’ll living my life.  I see so far beyond that and realize that life for me is so much more than ‘just’  for living.  Life is about ‘EXPERIENCING.’  And every day to me is an experience and I experience it fully.  Fully alive and present to myself is the best of me that I have to offer anyone.  By living my life as an experience, I allow others to consider the same thing for themselves. 

 ”Is life an experience for you?”  Or are you moving through your world in a way that is habituated without really any thought or consideration for/of the choices that you make everyday?  If this is the case, you may want to pause for a moment and really take a look at your life and consider whether you like it just the way it is, or are you looking for more.  And if you’re looking for more…Great.  No time like the present.  Have you ever thought that you’d like to work for yourself but wasn’t sure what that really meant?  Give me a call.  Have you ever thought that you’re tired of not feeling truly fantastic (whether it be your health or your life)?  Give me a call.  Did you ever think about going to Hawaii or taking some kind or ‘outrageous’ trip?  Then really, give me a call.  And if your life is great, then GREAT!

The funny thing is, I thought that my life was pretty damn good before and it was.  However, now I’ve just upped the anty and I love it.  And not only is my life changing, everyone who comes in contact with me is experiencing changes in their life.

My life is in Full Bloom.  I even have the pictures to show you…but you’ll have to go to facebook to see them.  :)  (So look for Amy McNaughton and check out my pictures of my life in full bloom…or my pictures of Hawaii - cause that’s another thing that I created for myself).

If you want to make a difference in people’s lives, first you must start with your own.

 

Letting Go of the Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

A willingness to assault the body - In the name of health???

As I sit here this morning, I clearly know that my life has really changed.  The fear of saying things that may shock others just doesn’t seem to be something that I’m as concerned about.  And it’s not that I don’t care I just know that, that is what it takes for change to happen in our lives. 

A week ago I had the opportunity to be amongst some really incredible people who also happened to offer some kind of ‘alternative’ healing process.  From astrologers to Reiki Masters, to Massage Therapist to Naturopaths.  Quite a variety all there to offer something different.

I’m mindful that the words alternative or organic brings something different to the table that individuals see as ‘better.’  I’m not saying that they’re good/bad/right or wrong, I’m simply sharing what came into my awareness.  And the word ‘better’ is only a perspective/perception and doesn’t necessarily constitute ‘fact.’

I was very happy to have a friend of mine with me who was like a kid in a candy shop.  I loved it as she went out exploring all the things which I’ve come to know as part of my everyday life.  However, for her they were new.  She asked me what I thought about ‘colonics.’  I cringed as I shared my view on it.  It’s an assault on the body.  Last night I watched a movie and someone had their mouth wired shut to loose weight.  Women are having their breast (and sometimes both) removed because of a fear that they may get breast cancer.  Some others exercise to the point where their bodies ache and they feel ill.  All these things in the name of health.

I’m baffled by our willingness to assault our bodies in the name of health.  And people look at me like I’m nuts sometimes because of the things that come out of my mouth.  I’ve simply found a different way of getting to the root cause of health issues.  And this is what really surprises me.  It would seem that the fear of getting honest with ourselves and everyone around us is greater than our fear of aggressive procedures on our bodies.  Ya, and I’m looked at like I’m nuts.  Thank-you!  And if what I say or share is insanity then go ahead and call me crazy because I’ve tried everything else and what I’ve discovered is something that truly works without the assault.  AND…if assaulting your body works for you, great!  However for me it doesn’t.

I’m not judging anyone.  I’m just looking at what I’ve learned and sharing with others that there’s another way of getting healthy.  And it doesn’t require digestive enzymes, colon cleanses or supplements of any kind.  However what it does require is a willingness to get honest and that’s what I’m discovering some individuals aren’t always willing to do.  We’re making ourselves sick in the name of keeping others happy.  When in fact, we don’t need anyone outside of us to assault our bodies - we’re doing quite well on our own. 

There are people in my life that have tons of health issues and I’ll never be able to help them because ‘that ball’ is in their court.  However if at any point that changes then they know were to find me.  But until then, I have individuals approaching me that have a willingness to get on with their health and their lives.  Those are the individuals that I’m here for right now.  

The more I engage with others, the less I have patience for individuals who revel in telling the story of what it’s like for them to be sick.  Great, and can you see the genius behind why you’re still sick?  When I share that their is an intelligence behind our health issues, I normally get an inquisitive look.  “How can cancer be intelligent? - How can breast cancer be intelligent?”  Well I’m sure that most of us would agree that the body is intelligent, right?  Well pay attention to where the health issues manifest.  IN YOUR BODY.  Pretty intelligent if you ask me?

So if you’re interested in taking the long and difficult road, great!  That may very well be the road that is right for you right now.  And if you’d like to get down to the root of your health issues without the difficulties, great!  That I can facilitate with your willingness to be honest to yourself first and foremost.

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward.

Amy

Can being honest, cause others to have pain?

Over the past year or so there’s no doubt in my mind that people who have known me all of my life now see a different person.  Even people who have known me just over the past year notice a change, however they like the change.  The nice, malleable Amy has left the building. 

Here’s a definition of malleable:

1.	capable of being extended or shaped by hammering or by pressure from rollers or others.

2.	adaptable or tractable: the malleable mind of a child.

So for all of the years that I was ‘malleable’ everyone loved me.  Why?  Quite simple.  Everyone came first in my life and I always came last.  It’s so much nicer for everyone else when you keep them happy, say what they want to hear, do what they want you to do, pretend that your life is always sunshine and when theirs isn’t…be the kind ear to listen to them.  Hell, what’s not to love?  But my question is what are the stakes involved.

A friend of mine asked (not all that long ago), how do you manage to always stay present to yourself and others?  My answer was quite simple and still is the same.  “For me it’s a matter of life or death.”  There is my answer.  If I lie to myself or anyone else, I take the risk of manifesting a health issue of some sort.  As I remain present to myself, I’ll be healthy.  As simple as it seems, take a look around you and pay attention to how many people in your life are sick?

I was engaging in conversation with a client the other day and she made the comment that if she was healthy, others around her couldn’t handle it.  What an interesting thing to come out and say.  Well I know that as she stays present to herself, her health issues will disappear and the people in her life will still will be alive in-spite of her speaking her truth to them.

I’ve had many people during the past year disappear from my life.  However, I have been attracting new people to me and they are absolutely wonderful.  And - it isn’t that the people in my life before aren’t wonderful, it’s just that I’ve grown and I must move on for the sake of my own evolution.  I shared with a friend of mine a few weeks ago and mentioned it to another this evening…”The best way for me to support or encourage someone, is to stay present to myself and only do the things in my life which are truly meaningful to me.”

So if a friend of mine is putting on an art show or speaking to a group of individuals and I don’t really want to take part (for whatever reason), the best way to give my honest support is to not go.  And that is being a true and honest friend.  I can’t imagine sitting there and wishing I were at home in my comfy pj’s with a cup of tea and honestly say that I was there to support or encourage someone now could I?

So does being honest with people cause them pain?  Quite possibly and…they’ll get over it a lot quicker rather than have them find out later that you lied.  A lie has teeth and will come back and bite you in the ass every time.  :)  And you might as well plan on getting over yourself right now if you say that you’re lying for someones own good.  The reality would translate into something like this.  I didn’t want to tell them cause I was scared shitless how they were going to react.  Don’t kid yourself that your doing it for their own good.  You’re doing it for your own good. 

I know personally for all of the times in my life that people lied to me ‘for my own good,’ really pissed me off cause it wasn’t for my own good.  I would have preferred to know the truth from the start.  It’s a game I feel that we play because of our own fear.  So we make up stories about what others will think or feel or react.  Well the best way to find out what they’ll think, feel or how they’ll react, is simply by telling the truth and/or asking them.

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy

Missed Opportunity? Says Who? :)

A few days ago I was faced with something that very well could have been a missed opportunity for myself and a great friend of mine.  Let me share. 

The way I move through my world, I know that I create opportunities in my life to learn from them.  Sometimes it seems that the answer may clearly be a ‘no,’ and other times I believe that the opportunity is presented to see what else I can create when faced with ‘the obvious’ outcome that would end up for me as a, ‘missed opportunity.’  What I discovered for myself on Friday was, “Where there’s a maybe, there’s a yes.”  

The obvious was presented to me on Friday when a package didn’t arrive which a I really wanted for Sunday.  (Notice that I said ‘wanted’ - no needed).  So what could I possibly do when I didn’t have the information to create what was in that delivery?  Well, I discovered that my whole body was telling me that there was a yes to be had.  At first I sat and let this feeling rumble through my body.  How was I to create something when the information was clearly not of my own creation.  The information belonged to someone else.  But wait a minute.  Where there’s a will, there’s a yes.  And here’s the thing.  I needed to be willing to push myself and work for what I wanted or it wasn’t going to happen.  

So in-spite of a friend of mine preparing to meet with a group of women within a 30 minute time frame, I called her.  In-spite of the fact that she didn’t pick up her business line, I emailed her.  In-spite of the fact that I wasn’t getting a hold of her, I sent an email to her partner.  Then, I sat and waited.  I remember looking at my computer screen willing it to have a message sent to me.  And nothing happened.  As the minutes ticked by I could feel my body pulsing.  There was this huge excitement that I had found a way around the obvious ‘no’ that I was presented with.  Now what?  I found a way and what was I going to allow myself to do to create the yes. 

Well, I had one phone number left to call. If that’s the only thing standing between me and a possible ‘missed’ opportunity then I did the only thing I knew how.  It was time to turn the no into a yes and I made the call.  What took place after that was by no means easy and  the end result was no missed opportunity and I ended up creating other opportunities for myself in the progress.

How easy would it have been for me to just ‘allow’ a no to happen.  And trust me, it was an obvious no  because the package didn’t arrive.  And at the end of the day, I celebrated who I am in the world today because I know that I can make anything happen if I choose to.  And I know that maybe somewhere out there, there’s a no that’s a no but how do I know that until I create an opportunity for myself to change things around?

I know that things have changed for me.  I was more accepting before of what was being presented to me.  In this scenario, I would have accepted the obvious and been disappointed but gee what else was there for me to do?  Well I know now that when presented with what could possibly be a no or disappointment, I have an opportunity to change it.  And, what am I willing to do or what will I allow myself to do, to create a different outcome.  Life/business doesn’t have to be difficult and it’s not always easy and guess what - Sometimes you even have to work for it. 

It would have been so easy to just accept the fact that the package didn’t arrive on time and call it a day and that clearly isn’t an option for me anymore.  “Oh well, too bad.  - Well it wasn’t meant to be.”  Well…I beg to differ.  I created the perfect opportunity for myself to go the limit…and…on my holodeck of life, is their any limit?  I’d say no because otherwise I’m limiting myself. 

How willing are you ‘not’ to accept the life that has been so called handed to you?  For years going through life I would have thought that I had no other option because it was just the way things were.  Well bull pucky to that.  I just wasn’t ready to see what I could create for myself.  Wasn’t ready…or…wasn’t willing?  Hmmm, I wonder what it was?  And what I know now is that it doesn’t matter.  I can’t (and wouldn’t anyways) go back to the past to beat myself up but I can stay present in the here and the now and choose ways of creating a meaningful life.

So when handed with missed opportunities, maybe it’s best to allow yourself not to be so accepting.  Be bold, be outrageous, dare to be seen and frigging well dare to create things for yourself while others are only contemplating change.  I’m tired of being polite and waiting to be asked if I’d like a second helping.  Thank-you very much…and…I’m still not done with the first helping.  The first helping would be helping myself create for myself.  You see, if you wait to be asked, it just may not happen.

No one asked me on Friday, “Gee Amy, what do you think…if anything - could be done to change the outcome that has been presented to you?”  No, I just did it. 

Life doesn’t have to be hard and it isn’t always easy AND…sometimes you just may have to work for it.

What are you willing to do to create the life/business/family environment/health whatever, that you desire?  Or, are you just going to accept what you’ve been handed and wait for someone to offer you a second serving/helping or are you going to boldly reach across and not apologize for getting/creating what you truly want in life?

Letting Go of The Past AND…Growing Forward

Amy